I wrote a blog post yesterday and it got me to thinking. I write about my adventures on my own and the people I adventure with. Be it a small outing or something a little bigger. Vacation with hubbie [ who by the way does not like being mentioned in any shape or form on the internet]. Oooppps! Did I just do that! And then there is my son who doesn’t give two hoots to the wind about what I say about him.
I start writing and it comes from the heart. It comes from what I have experienced. What I am feeling at the time. Sometimes I write a little too much about what comes into my brain and out in my writings. Well I was wondering today. I hope I have not offended anyone with my writings. I say things and just put them down on my blog. Sometimes I just don’t think about what I have said and then I read it later and think. Did I really say that. Oh my. This may be lost in translation of what I said and what they think I said. To me I don’t care one way or the other. I said it and I guess unless I go back into edit what I said a little different. It may just hurt someone all the more.
I don’t get too close to anyone. Yes I am friends with all of these lovely people, but not all that close. I am an observer. I am on the outside looking in. I watch and learn. Well sometimes I don’t learn as I get myself in trouble sometimes for just sitting and staring at someone to figure out what I am missing. Some people don’t like to be stared at. But you see that is how I learn people. I know it sounds strange, but I could sit on a park bench or a beach and just watch people for hours. Their managership and how they will be around some people and then move onto other people and be of a different managership with them.
When I was younger this was how I filled my time. I had a few friends through school. Not so many in public school. It seemed in public school I was the brunt of allot of bullying. Verbal mostly but it hurt. And it stuck with me most of my adult years. So I closed off the shell to keep people at a distance and have never been able to open up all the way as to not being hurt again like that. High school I made a few friends. As I say not close, but I did have a few friends and yes I know they talked about me behind my back when I wasn’t with them. The country bumpkin who was just a hanger on. There just because someone else was in the group. When high school was done so was the friendships. We all went our separate ways and lives of our own.
I found a couple of those friends again on Facebook. We chat once in awhile, but have never met up again. Forty years have gone by and gee I do miss the good old days of being fancy free and not a worry in the world.
From highschool life took over. A marriage, home and eventually family. Bills to be paid. Jobs to go to and for me allot of moving around. Have seen allot of the country. Spent the first few years living in Ontario. As jobs moved so did we. First house we bought only cost us $17000. You imagine that? Now I see that same house come up once in awhile and it is worth at least $200000. We renovated it and made it our own. Then we moved and moved and moved, Houses became more expensive and jobs became better. in that time I had no relationships with anyone. It would seem we would be for a year or so and then we would be on the road again to another town and a whole new setting. I tried joining things to get to know some lady friends to hang around with, but never seemed to happen.
So my life was with my family and I kept to my homelife. Taking my son places to play and I would watch and listen.
Forty some years together now and our life is in British Columbia. Mind you there was a lot of moving around in BC as well. One community to another. We have seen so much of this beautiful province, but never to make any close friends. So I had family, but I was still lonely.
This brings me to being in my 50s now. I needed something in my life and I had to go out to get it. I saw an ad in the newspaper one day. Want to come out and have some fun. Meet other ladies of the same age. Give me a call and become a member of a worldwide group of ladies who love to play. I hummed and hawed about that newspaper article for so long and finally took the plung and called.
Well that phone call. One little phone call was all it took. Pauline was her name and she became my queen. She took me into a world I have never imagined ever happening to me. A place where there is like minded women my age who love to get out and about and have some fun. The red hat society is their name.
My small circle of just family has expanded forthright. I have been a member of this worldwide group for 8 years now. I don’t think I could ever go back to just family. I have been to so many places and look forward to so many more places. I can watch from benches in different countries. As I am the same old person inside who still keeps to herself, I have met so many beautiful ladies from around the world who come to conventions. There are times that some of these ladies come on vacation to British Columbia. A few of us will venture into Vancouver to meet up with these vacationers and sit down for a meal and chat about this that and the other thing,
I had an opportunity to go to Australia this past month. I had the trip all booked. I was going to a convention in Australia. Was meeting up with Australian red hatters. Making new friendships and meeting some other friends I had met at other places. It would have been the trip of a lifetime to go. A cruise was also booked at the same time to see some of that country. Alas Covid hit the world and all was cancelled. I am not sure whether I will be able to try again. My mind says yes but my bod is telling me no. I will keep it in my mind to try again, but one never knows
Today I feel so blessed. I write about these ladies I meet up with. I write about the adventures we have together. I write about the adventures I have had on my own. This I would not have done if not for these ladies. My wings have spread and I am an adventurer. Now mind you I am still as quiet as a mouse. I still sit back and people watch. My conversations are small. I put in my two cents when I think I have something to say, but I am still a watcher and a listener. Now though i am only a listener when I put in my hearing aids. If they ain’t in I ain’t much of a listener at all. Can’t hear a dang thing they are saying.
So I have made a few friends. I still do not get close. Old wounds from early years make it so I don’t open up too much, but I love being out and about with the friends I do have. Being so I write about these friends. Girlfriends! Isn’t that a lovely word. Girlfriends! Someday I may let them in, but not yet. In know they will be there if I need them and I am there for them.
So in closing for the day. As I write from my heart. I hope that my musings do not offend. I mean no harm. If I have please let me know. What forms in my brain and comes out of my fingers is heartfelt. I do have a tendency to say things that should not be said. It is like my mouth running over sometimes with things I can not take back. If I do I am so sorry!
Well my sorries are done. Now onto more adventure. Well not for the next few days. If hubby doesn’t go for a drive today to get out of the house I will be in my hiddie hole of my women cave working on my latest project. Needle in needle out. The smoke is mighty bad outside today. The sky and the view are not to be had as the smoke covers our southern province with smoke from the US fires.
My time is done for today. Talk to you again soon