I know I shouldn’t but I am

I am sitting here on my comfy couch this morning feeling sorry for myself. Well not really sorry for myself. It probably isn’t that bad at all. Well for some it is not that bad, but when you have fibromyalgia things kinda excentuate a little. Medical problems! They always seem to get in the way of things.

A few weeks ago I had an ultrasound done on my neck. My thyroid to be exact. A couple of weeks later the doc called and said that she would like me to have a biopsy done on my thyroid. Oh gosh what am I getting into. Okay thyroid please be nothing too serious. For now there is a growth there that is slowly growing and is blocking my breathing and eating. Makes it hard to swallow.

I get a call a couple of weeks ago and I am scheduled in for August date. Good did not coincide with my holiday, but does coincide with another date that I bought a ticket for. Hmmm can I do two things in the same day? I would go in for my biopsy and then hope that I am able to drive down to States and do a dinner there. Days get closer and I wonder whether I could go to the second or just give my ticket to someone else to go. Will have to keep thinking on this. I know I have time to do both but will I feel like doing the other afterwards.

Saved by the bell. Well not really a bell but a phone call. Yesterday I got a call from the hospital. There has been a cancelation and would I like to come in tomorrow morning and have this done in the morning. Well I said yes. Then she said it will be at 8 in the morning and I had to be there by 7:30. Oh heck you know me and being up in the morning. I am not a morning person. I agreed to go. Now I do not need to think about being in two places at the same time or close to the same time. But hell I have to get up early tomorrow morning.

I am really not sure what is going to happen with this. I have had biopsy’s before but not around my neck area. I certainly didn’t have the widespread fibromyalgia at the time either. I figured I have had fibromyalgia most of my life. I felt pain here and there, but it was never wide spread like it is these days. Anyways when I have an injury of some kind it will rattle all through my body and make me feel like shit.

So up early this morning. Wasn’t sleeping anyways. Had a couple of crappy dreams last night as well. So I sat on the couch this morning and checked out the internet on thyroid biopsy. Well it doesn’t sound that bad. Says it will only be a little discomfort. To me might be a little more discomfort then I want.

I finally head over to the hospital. Pay for my parking and then do the hurry up and wait routine. Grab a number, sit in one of their comfy seats in waiting room (not), finally have your number called, talk to the receptionist, then go sit back in the waiting area. Watch other people come in and leave and you sit there. Watch more people come and leave and you sit there. Stare at the ugly grey walls around you and watch more people come and go. Finally your name is called.

I walk back to the area with a radiologist. She asked the questions of what is my name and my birthdate. Okay next she gives me a gown and shows me to a change cubicle. Everything off from the waist up. Have a seat and wait until we are ready to you. Here we go again. A waiting place and wait. The thing is why can they not have a gown that at least covers. They wanted it opened to the front so the minor surgery could be done without moving much. But as I sat there the front would not stay closed. Kept grabbing at the gown to close it up a bit.

Finally into the room I go. Lay down on their bench. She raised the bench up so she could do another ultrasound. More pictures taken. After that I layed there and waited and counted dots in the ceiling. People come in and people go out. You just lay there and wait.

Finally the specialist comes in. Machines moved around. Disinfectant being out on my neck. And I was covered around the neck area. He then stood over me.

Okay this is going to be a little prick. One, two , three and in it went. Not too bad. I did feel it and jumped a bit. Hmm shouldn’t have done that, but feeling it and still expecting it are not the same thing. Someone is poking something into you. Anyways after that needle then another was sent inside of that to get a tissue sample. Now that was a different story. I felt that allot. He wiggled around a few times. We are almost done. Then wiggled around a little more. Gaul. I could really feel that. But you know it was not in the area he was working on, but in other areas. Finally done. I laid there for a bit then sat up. Walked to change area got dressed and headed for home.

So now I sit on the couch and watch a movie. The pain has subsided a bit, but I still feel it. From the side of my neck up the side of my face. Swallowing is a little hard yet. I know I will heal. There will be no scare. It was only a little needle. Fibromyalgia does make things a little tougher on you in the pain level.

Makes me think back. A few years ago I had sprain an ankle walking with my family. I have done it many times over the years. Spraining an ankle that is. I would be in a bit of pain and there would be swelling and not be able to walk on it for a day or two. This last time I did though the pain ran through me like a rocket. The pain was so bad that I was to the point of throwing up and passing out. So now I try very hard not to have anything that will cause me any pain. Pain to a large degree will make it to the point I would pass out. So anyone who is in normal pain will feel pain whereas if I have the same pain level will spread all over and make me feel worse.

So now today I sit on the couch and feel this pain that should not be this bad. Well it is slowing down now. All because of fibromyalgia. I would really hate if something worse happens to me and how much pain I am going to be in with it. So now I will sit and wait and hope for the best with this biopsy. Hope it is just something normal for my body and not something that will cause me more pain.

Well I will keep on keeping on. If life throws me another curve ball I guess I will be living with it. Nothing is going to stop me from living my life to the extent that I want to live it. Yes I am slowing down and yes things keep coming up. But yes I am going to keep going as long as I can.

Well will talk again later.

2 thoughts on “I know I shouldn’t but I am

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