So this is life

You go to bed at night with big dreams that tomorrow is going to be a better day. You sleep like a log even with the two dogs snuggled up so close to you. Wake up in the morning and it is just the same shit all over again.

Life is just getting harder and harder every day. The weather keeps changing one day dang cold and then the next the sun is out with not a cloud in the sky. So the temperature goes up to where it is styfuling hot in our house. Then the next day another storm front comes in bringing cold weather and me wrapped up in my blankie to keep warm. You know winter should be winter and then summer should be summer. Not this mishmash ever changing. You just can not get use to this kind of stuff.

So for the last week I have been battling away. I missed out on an outing all because of this stupid weather. I really feel bad when I do as I love getting out and visiting and having a few laughs.

My friend my comfy couch has been keeping me company for the past week. As I said I go to sleep with hopes of things being better and wake up and feel even worse. On a good day I can get up around 7 or 8 in the morning and be on with my day. A little hiccup here or there but nothing serious. You know like the cupboard will jump out and knock your knee once or twice. Or the coffee table will grab your little toe and make it so the pain runs all the way up my back. Where I am ready to cross my eyes and scream.

Now on days like these I wake up only out of desperation. The desperation that I have to pee. I have to wiggle my way out of bed because the dogs are not in a mood to move. They just look at me like what and put their heads back down. It is either I forcibally push them off the bed or just wiggle around them. If I leave them where they are I don’t need to go downstairs and put them outside for their morning constitution yet. So I leave them where they are and do my morning thing. Then crawl back into bed. That trek took twice as long to do this morning. Once I got my feet under me I walked like a drunkin sailor to the bathroom. Flopped down on the toilet. Lucky I didn’t miss or I would be on the floor. Then drunkenly walked back to the bed and crawled back in again. Hubby was surprised that I came back to bed. He is usually the last to get up. I rolled over and snuggled against Boots who had her butt on my pillow and went promptly back to sleep.

An hour or so later I was up and about. Still really not wanting to but I was up. Got some breakfast into me and then was going to relax on the couch for a minute or two. Nope didn’t happen. We had things to do today. Well according to hubby anyways. To me we had nothing to do. So why didn’t we do this yesterday when we where out or the day before when we where out also. It seems every day that he is home we are out cause we have things to do. I told him that day I did not feel right. I told him the next day I did not feel right and I told him today exactly the same thing. Seems to make no difference to him though. We had things to do. So we walk the dogs and then we go out cause we have things to do. Which leads to me walking around with him and when I run into him a few times he starts asking what the hell is wrong with me.

Yeah all my fault that something is wrong and I can’t do what he thinks I should be doing anymore. Which leads to frustration. Then him being not too happy.

So I keep my mouth shut and say okay let’s go. The sooner I go the sooner I am home and back on my comfy couch. I just worry that my head full of cotton and my bod telling me I hurt so back that I will end up doing something I don’t like to happen. Like vertigo showing up again to play havoc with me for a couple of days. Or there is the fact I am in such a daze and ditzy that I just do not understand what is going on around me. I try to keep up with what I can do, but I seem to be going in reverse then full throttle forward that I use to do.

So that brings me back to this morning and waking up. Two dreams in life. One I go bed every night hoping. Wake up in the morning and it is still just a dream. The other is that I feel better soon so I can get back on with my days without feeling like such shit.

So a few days ago I knew something was a coming over me. Started in my extremities. My hands and my feet. Kind of a burning sensation and stiffness to boot. Then it started feeling like swelling was starting. But I would check and no swelling starting. My feet and my hands looked the same. But the burning, well I can’t really call it burning, it is just this strange feeling. Like something is crawling all over my feet and hands. In the inside though. By the next day it has now taken on my wrist and elbows and my ankles and knee are starting to feel the same. My head has turned to cotton. All puffy and out of focus. This is when I know I am not going to be driving anywhere. Even though I feel like this I still have to go out because hubby says we have things to do. So off we go everyday so he get something to eat and maybe a walk someplace. You know I need the exercise. I can barely walk straight and I need the exercise? Okay let’s go. The sooner I get it done the sooner it is done for the day.

Today I woke and the crawly feeling is pretty well everywhere. It feels like the flu, but it does not go away . I am stiff and I am sore. My head is one big cotton ball. All I want to do is sleep and have happy dreams.

Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully will be on the mend. Yeah probably in my dreams, I better start on the mend so I can go on my outing this weekend. Adventure awaits for me Well not really adventure but time with my friends to chat and laugh a little. Laughter is good medicine for me. It may not get rid of the pain but it does make me feel better.

I guess I have complained enough. I will go lay my head down for a bit. Dream my happy dreams and hope for the best.

Just say one thing before I nod off for the day. FIBROMYALGIA SUCKS! Night all!

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