What if’s and whatever

I sit here these days and I think. What if I had done that? Or maybe if I had not have done that.

You come to cross roads in your life. You can stay where you are. You can go to the left or right. It is your decision to make.

Hitting on my sixtieth year in life I look back now and think. What would life be like if I would have done a few things differently. It is like those hallmark movies they had on over Christmas. You know the ones. An angel gives you a wish of changing your life. Or Santa gives you a wish of you taking the other path at a cross road. Then in the end you really want what you already had and the other life is not feasible at all to make you happy.

You want to know why. Well it is something you are not use to and comfortable with. So in the end you go back to that life that you have now. After a few days back in that old life you will be back wondering what it would have been like if you had taken a different path.

I have had many crossroads in my life. The big one being if I had not gotten married like my parents expected of me. Then I look back on that. No that one is a no brainer. I would have still been living with my parents as long as they where around. An old spinster and not having the beautiful family I have now. Well I might have met someone else through the years. No that never would have happened. This plain Jane who doesn’t get out and do many things would never have met anyone to make a life with. When all my girlfriends at school where happily in relationships and interested in boys. It never really dawned on me. Not until this boy started taking an interest in me the last year of high school.

There is the first cross road in my life. I took it and went with it. This leads to other crossroads that could have been taken differently. Starting our lives together and decisions we have made over the many years together. The ups and the downs in life. The travel and the adventures. The not so happy and the greatest time to be had. So much goes into making a life what it is. I sometimes wished for more and now in the older years in my life I wish for less. Happy with a roof over my head and enough to get by on. The other half of my life is still on the ideas of things should be bigger and better. Have the best there is to offer.

We go out looking for something we need. I say I don’t need all the bells and whistles. I just need what works and does not take a genius to operate. I am not much of a genius you know. So take the easy way out. Him on the other hand. Well if you have this you can do that and then there is this will be easier and we just got to have it. So it is bought and left in a drawer someplace never to be used by me again. Tried it once and not for me. Go back to the old fashion way that I know while the gizmos gadget collects dust someplace out of sight.

I have a cell phone. I use it to make calls or receive calls. Well when I have it on that is. It sits in my purse. Never comes out., but you know you have to have this data plan and then there is the family sharing and again all those bells and whistles that you have to have. Oh the cost that goes with it. You know every month I paid for something I did not need. So a couple of weeks ago I called up the company and I ask is there anything cheaper. She looked through my usage and said. You need this. $50 cheaper and my phone still sits in my purse. Only used for making a call once in awhile.

Yesterday I told you about going to Harrison and wanting to enjoy the hot springs pool up there.well I got a call from a friend today who said that the public pool will be opened again on the weekend. She also said that if we would have gone to the resort we could have gotten in there at the price while the public pool was closed. Now if hubby would have read the whole sign instead of saying let’s go home. We would have got our soak yesterday. A minor crossroad but him doing his usual and just going home leaves us where we are today. These are the days that my crossroad should have taken that other turn. Maybe then I would be living alone the old spinster I may have been meant to be. Oh the frustration.

So this cross road I wonder about so many times. We have our happy times but I think would life have been allot better and less frustrating if I had not taken that turn. Would I be living a much different life. What the heck would that life have turned out to be. Well I can dream.

If we would have stayed in our first home we purchased. It only cost us $17000. Do you believe that. Only $17000. Just think we would have been living in a home that was paid for. Could have had a whole different lifestyle. Then cross roads change. Work not to be found in the area so have to travel out of town to work. Eventually we sell that first home and move closer to work. Only thing is the next place we buy is now up to $60000 to purchase. As time goes on we moved many times. And every time a new purchase of another home. The price rises even more.. well at least we are not moving anymore. I am so great full for that, but it is taking so much more to try and pay off this home we are in now. There is the cross road. I think back and say we should have just stayed where we where and had our first house paid for. And living the life. Now we live with debt that I am hoping will be paid off here sooner or later. I did like that first home we where in. Three bedroom two story brick house.

More crossroads in my life. Hubby always wanted to move west. This in a way is a good cross road we had taken. It lead to a good paying job for him and a great place to raise our son. On the down side though. Everything to go along with this great paying job is friggen expensive. We have had many adventures in British Columbia. From moving out here in a 20 foot trailer that we lived in for a few years. We towed that trailer from Ontario to British Columbia. Lived in it for at least three years with a cat, a dog, one little boy and the two of us. From there I said I had enough of the closed quarters and we bought a place in town.

Life was not simple. From there came the good job, but meant allot of moving. Every year for five years we would pack up and move again. Uprooting us and on the move again. All because of a good paying job. Mind you we did see allot of B.C. in those five years, but it took a toll on us. A new school every year, me not getting to know anyone and we lived out of boxes. We saw the Queen Charlotte islands, we saw the coldest winter going in Hudson Hope, we saw the beautiful countryside of the Okanagan and our last stop was the Fraser valley. Getting this job was a hell of a cross road, but has paid off in the end.

After all these choices and cross roads we have taken together I still wonder about the what if’s and the what haves. Could we or I have taken another crossroad and not had this adventure I have had. There are days I wonder so much more then I want to. Well I will dream on and wonder.

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