Rotten, rotten, just plain rotten!

When your young you have the whole world ahead of you. Everyone ask what cha going to do when you grow up. Policeman, nurse, firefighter, lawyer or just like my dad. You know all the answers.

Me I didn’t have a clue. I am the old hag now and I still don’t have a clue what the heck I wanted to do with my life. I just took one day at a time. Went to whatever work I was doing. Enjoyed vacations when I could and always had a beautiful pooch to keep me company. Always hoping I keep a roof over my head and that I can still live the same life that I was living.

Then life threw me a curve ball. I started to feel not so well. Some days would be so tired. Others I was feeling like I had the flu. I ached all over.. then there were other days I felt fine and could go on with my day. Then it would just come back again. Many docs later and being told that they could not find anything wrong I finally got a diagnosis. Blood test showed that I had auto ammunition disease. By this time I was not having many days where I was feeling well anymore. My job was being effected by this. So I knew my time was soon done.

Doc I was with referred me to a rheumatologist. It took many months to get in to see her, but once I was two visits with her and she was telling me what some of my symptoms where. I had sjogrens Syndrome. My moisture duct where shutting down. I had no tears, my mouth was always dry and had no skin is the worst. It is always so dry and itchy. Sleep you never knew you would sleep so much and still be exhausted and the pain.. oh some days I hurt so much.

After this diagnosis more illnesses started to show up as well. With autoimmune your body slowly start to attack other parts of your body. It slowly eats away at your inside. No organ or joint is safe. Osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, raynards, kidney, liver, thyroid and a imagery of other things may show up. You see doctor after doctor. You have xrays, ultrasound, mri’s and so on. Blood test after blood test to make you a great pin cushion for those vampires.

So now this old hag is not that old but sometimes I just think I am in my nineties. With the way I move and the way I feel I should just roll over and never get up again. I never thought in all my years of growing to this age that this curve ball would hit me. Well it did. Work is not in my future, but I do look once in awhile. I say well maybe I can do that. Then two days later I am laying on the couch sleeping most of the day.

Now I look back on my life and say well maybe if I would have done things differently. For one thing saving more money for old age. I can live an okay life in retirement, but if I would have not spent as much as I had in my youth I might have been better.

Then that look back. I would not have experienced some of the adventures I had. Some were not so great but others were such a joy to do. I am not able to do them now though so I am happy that I did them when I was younger.

My adventures where not that exciting, but they were an escape of the everyday life of going to work everyday. We cross county skied a few times. We took days trips places driving back roads and enjoying the day. Hopped on the motorcycle and took off to the beach. Oh boy one time we where in the middle of a violent thunder storm and had to take cover until it passed in someone’s barn. We traveled along the lake in a snowsquawl. We have drove many time on vacation from Ontario to BC or vice versa when me moved out here. Once through Manitoba in the heart of January. We were stuck in a small outback town for two days while our truck thawed out. The rest of that drive home the truck was never turned off until we arrived home. We have travels across country, four in the vehicle driving 24 hours to get to expo 86 in Vancouver. That took us two and a half days to get from Ontario to Vancouver. I have jumped out of barn lofts, climbed many a tree. My adventures may not be as daring as others, but they are my adventures. It is my life and I have lived it.

Some things where dumb stuff. Some thing where memorable, but you know I would not have changed anything for the world. This is my adventure. I am still living it. May be a little slower on my part and sometimes a little safer. I still want to try some dumb stuff and maybe I will. Two years ago I was in Ontario for a convention and was traveling around with my sister in law. We did so much those three weeks. Two things included going to a wind tunnel and flying. Another was we went to the airport and flew in a biplane over Ottawa. We had a blast together driving back roads and finding so many interesting things.

So now my thinking back is not what I must do. I have to look forward and keep going as best I can. I will make more adventures living the life I love. I will play as long as I can, but somedays it is hard. Those are the days my comfy couch is my best friend.

The next few days are suppose to sunny and cold. So if I can escape from my comfy couch I will take another interesting drive. Let’s just hope the barometer agrees with me. Or I will be the other way and sleeping my days away. I need some sunshine before the liquid sunshine comes back to visit. Well I will see. Wish me luck!

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