My exciting afternoon

Well I don’t think I would call it too exciting though.

Hubby had a night shift and came in around 6 this morning. I was quite comfortable and he grabs the covers and pulls them all back over to his side of the bed. I guess I’ve got to share the bed again. Well besides sharing with my pooches all night. I layed here for a bit more, but my leg was giving me allot of trouble so decided it was time I get myself up and moving around. I am not a morning person you know. I did have to move though. Or my leg was going to kill me with pain.

It was only a couple of months ago I could stay in bed and enjoy sleeping in a bit. Now two months later and winter weather settling in I am feeling the effects of the colder weather. Bummer! So now I am up and doing my usual. Checking my mail and messages and then onto Facebook. Nothing exciting on either. As usual. I crawled under the comforter on the couch and snuggled up to warm myself up. A little chilly in the house first thing in the morning. To be exact it was darn chilly in here last night. That’s why the comforter was on the couch in the first place. I was out last night wander along the lake looking at the Christmas lights. It would have been a perfect night except that it was raining. So I ended up chilled to the bone on my drive home. More of that story on my other blog British Columbia red hatting.

I know, should have not been out and about in the rain. But I thought I could get myself out of the funk I am in right now. They say 60 is the new 40. Well sometimes I wonder if 60 is not the new 80. Some days I just feel so blah! I sit on the couch and just stare off into space. If hubby is sleeping for night shifts it has to be quiet around here. So I have to entertain myself without much in the way of noise.

This leads to me entertaining myself. So I have been working on a quilt. For the past seven months that is. It has been sitting between my dining room table and in the living room on my coffee table.

Do you love the mess I have in my living room. I am almost done. Well I am hoping it is almost done. Maybe another couple of weeks of sewing. If I was using the sewing machine I would probably be a little faster in getting it done. The thing is it won’t be the same as doing this way. This is a giftie for a red hat event coming up next year. So I have to get it done sooner then later I hope. So far it is looking great, but I do tend to screw it up at some point. Fingers crossed I keep up with the good work and not screw up.

So I spent this morning sitting on a stool in front of the coffee table. Needle in, needle out, needle in, needle out. Dang a knot! Tug a bit and needle in, needle out.

Left with my thoughts alone quietly in the living room. Needle in, needle out. My mind travels back to when I was younger. Oh Gaul not that young. I was on Facebook the other day and an old friend of the family put up some pictures of my parents. Way before I was even a thought on the horizon. Then some pictures of my sisters and brothers. Boy where they young and I was not even part of the family yet. I was the little mistake six years later. Yeah I say mistake or could I say a twinkle in dad’s eyes and bang I joined the family. Nah! Just a mistake. Six years later. Needle in, needle out! Then my mind goes onto years later. The shit I went through at school. What I would have wanted in life and the if only I would think about. Needle in, needle out. The questions why we did not stay in our first house. It would have been paid off now and I would not feel in the predicaments I think I am in now. We moved around so many times. Every time a new place. Not knowing anyone and only there for a year or two and then moving again. Still not getting to know anyone, needle in, needle out. Why did I do this stupid thing? Why was this done? Yes needle in, needle out. I kept up with thoughts and tribulations for about four hours. Along with the needle in and the needle out. Stopped with enough time to make hubby food before he goes to work again for one more night shift.

So in a funk here. I turned 60 a couple of weeks ago. I have been in a funk ever since. Did I actually do something with my life? I know we all have these questions. Mine is why am I even here. I always wanted to do something spectacular with my life and it never came. I love crafting and I wanted to be able to sell my crafts, but like everything else I am not that great. I do mediocre fun crafts. Nothing spectacular worth selling to people. I crafted when I was younger and then my crafts just piled up in the house. What the heck do I do with them now. So I tried craft sales. Well you know. People would look at my crafts and say. I do beautiful work, but would anyone buy? No! Never sold much of anything. Well I did sell a couple of things, but not where to where I was a known artist. So just gave up and packed everything away. Eventually giving those things away as gifts to someone or rather. Another reason for the crafts going always is I did woodworking. Which causes sawdust. Sawdust leaves a mess. Heck you do not have sawdust in the garage where there is a toy there that should not have sawdust on it. So now no more sawdusting. So I play in the house now sewing and knitting. I would really love to get back out and sawdust but I don’t dare make a mess out there. Well that is more thinking needle in, needle out.

I still wonder why am I really in this life. I know! I know! It is so I can cook supper and dinner. So I can clean, do laundry and sit on the couch and veg. Eat and gain weight. I was so happy when I got a job at superstore many years ago. I was out of the house and talking with people, but-by the end of my stint of working. My pain was getting so bad and I was burning out. I just couldn’t do the job any more without getting into some sort of trouble with the supervisor. So best thing to do is quit and just be at home again and veg. Which now is bringing me back to being in my shell again. I talk so much on here and on Facebook that people who meet me say she is so quiet. Yes I am quiet. I do not seem to have social skills to be able to make small talk with anyone. I just sit back and watch and listen. Well listen when I can hear what is going on. My hearing is going now. So conversations with me are getting harder and harder. I do wear hearing aids, but I still am not much of a conversationalist. So the shell of me not being out around other people is building up again. I am noticing more and more everyday. That is where the red hatters come in. They are keeping me sane. Well so to speak as I do not talk too much around them either, but I do love going out with these ladies and having fun.

So for my life is, If i was not around my hubby would have to ask himself what is he making for supper. Then he can answer himself with saying he wants food. I guess he could frustrate himself with this conversation every night.

So I keep myself company. I am my own best friend. I talk to myself and give myself the answers I need. My best company through my life so far. Me, myself and I. They have the best answers for everything in my life. All except to still answering my big question. Why the heck am I here? Some day I will figure that out. Maybe I will do a life’s dream later in my life. I still have many years, god forbid, to try to figure it out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s