So now I wait.

We are always waiting for something. Waiting to go out. Waiting for a favourite tv show. Waiting for the mail or a parcel to come. We always seem to have the time to wait. We don’t like it but we wait.

I always have something I am waiting for. Some things make me worry and some I am happy about, but I still have to wait.

I got a call yesterday from one of my specialist (doctor). She is an arthritis doctor, but every time I see her she always ask me about something else showing up on my test. Then she runs more test to see if she can figure it out a bit. Then I get sent to another doc to check this out. Well for one thing I can say I am glad I am not working anymore cause I would never have time to work with all the docs I go to. They all always seemed to be bunched together as well for appointments. Other times I have all the free time in the world. It would be nice if they would coincide with each other so I am not running over to Vancouver or New Westminster or Surrey or Abbotsford. Every couple of days. It is hard on the pocket book in gas to do this.

Anyways she called me on a Sunday. In some ways that makes me worry as it was not done on a business day. She could have been in her office just catching up on paperwork or this is bothering her as well. She is now setting up another couple of appointments for me with an internist and a thyroid doc.

So now the wait is on. Along with that is the worry. Is something really wrong or is she just being safe in catching something soon enough so that there really isn’t anything to worry about.

Since I was diagnosed with having autoimmune problems ten years ago, it has been doc after doc after doc for some reason or another. Which would go with waiting, waiting, waiting.

I had been going for years to my regular doc before this to figure out what the heck was bothering me. We would go through this and then that or maybe it could be this. He finally did a blood test for arthritis. He was not sure what kind but the blood test was the result. So he puts in a referral for a rhumetoligist. From there it is a wait to see who I can get in with.

It took at least seven months to a year to get to see her. First appointment we talked a little. Yeah I did talk. Not much but she got info enough to get a start.

Within the first year she told me I had sjogrens. This is an autoamune that will effect tear ducts and spit ducts. I have never been able to cry real tears for years. It was just never the same when I really needed to do a real cry. A drop down bawling. Sometimes I just do need those. They make me feel allot better when I could do that. Always relieved a little tension I was having. Now I just do these little hiccup things. My nose runs a little, but it is just not the same.

Within the next year I was told by her that osteoarthritis had shown up on some of my X-rays. Most of it right now being in my back. Lovely I really needed to hear that. This may be debilitating to where I will not be walking much in the future.

A few months later I was starting to hurt all over. You know that feeling when you have the flu. The pain is just everywhere. I felt like shit. Just so worn out. It never went away. Was there every day sometimes a little less and sometimes full on. I hated it. It just wouldn’t go away. I was really feeling the pain the day I went to see her. You have fibromyalgia. Oh lovely. Things just keep piling on top of each other. She gave me some new meds to take and sent me on my way again. I was happy to say that these worked. The pain started to subside. It is still there but not as intense. Somedays I am good other’s I just want to crawl into bed under the covers and never come out.

Now over the years. Autoamune does not give up on you. It starts working on other places too attack. I have been to a heart specialist to check out a heart murmur I have. Where once in awhile I have heart palpitations. With his poking and probing and mris is found out I have a hole in my heart. He says it is not that much of a problem. Says I was born with it. A valve did not close up after birth that should have. So it is still there. Something I just live with. The palpitations once in while.

I have had lumps taken off my shoulder by a plastic surgeon. This one was growing slowly into me having a hump back. I could have gone to Halloween and had a great costume without even getting dressed up. I know it was not that big, but it was there. I noticed it is starting to make it way to know again here of late. So may have to have it looked at again. Nothing there that is serious. Just a growth.

I have been to a cancer centre in Vancouver to have my glands on my neck checked out. An X-ray showed a something there. When I was with the cancer doctor there was nothing there. So no further on that, but I have to watch if they start to swell again.

I have been to an ear nose and throat specialist. He ask me if I had damage done to my nasal cavity. That was a big yes. For about a year my nose was plugged and would not unplug. I think this was because we where in a house with mold for a year.. I was so plugged up. I couldn’t breath. I was all set to have my nasel tubes operated operated on. A few weeks before that we moved to a new place and my nose clears up. Ah! No waiting for operation.

Other things that have cropped up over the years is raynards. This is the thinning of the blood vessel in my fingers and toes. In plain words when it is cold my figures and toes start to turn blue from lack of blood flowing to my extremities. Just have to watch that I do not get too cold or my fingers toes will not get blood flow at all. That is not good. Then there is the Ménières I have. A form of vertigo. You aren’t to the point of smack dab falling down, but your balance is off. My ears ring of tintinitus so much and my eyes do not agree with the inner ear. Making even more noise in my ears. I wear hearing aids but sometimes they just do not help with the tintinitus. The hearing aids bother my ears as well so do not wear them unless really need to. You know I would really like someone to invent a bone hearing way so I would not have to put in hearing aids. Somehow hooked to my glasses a mic in the glasses and the hearing part just before the ear. I hear great with the head phones I have this way for listening to my music. But alas not invented yet. From what I have seen on the internet there I patens for that but just way to expensive to use. So I may be old a grey before that is a reality. Another waiting game.

So I play the waiting game. First you wait for these doc appointments. They may be months or years down the road. Finally get to the appointment and then you sit in the office waiting for way too long before you get into the appointment. You have appointments and you are told that they had to reschedule. Not til next week or the week after, but may have an appointment in four months for you to get in again. You drive to these appointments. It is through stop and go traffic afraid you are going to be late so the worry steps in. Parking spaces are another thing. Driving around to find a parking space. Then you have to pay for parking. You go for blood test. Get in there and a dozen other people are there for the same thing. Another time of waiting til it is your turn.

Everything is a go, go, go and then you get there just to wait.

So my waiting game is on right now again. I sit here waiting for a phone call to say I have an appointment with….. me wishing it is close, but hell I know it won’t be. I will have to drive all over the lower main land to get to this appointment. The thing is it won’t be next week or next month but will be sometime in the future. The snow may be falling then and I have to drive in it. Or it will come at a bad time when I have another appointment someplace else. So I will have to call up and try to get another appointment. I know I could go out and let them use the answering machine. But they do not give you the details over the phone. Just ask you to call back. So you go through the process of calling back just to get the runaround of please push this number for this and then the same thing just to hear they can not come to the phone please leave a message. AURGGG! Life is not simple when you are sick. The system is a waiting game.

I am tired now.. do not want to wait anymore. So I am going to go nap and dream about not waiting to fall asleep. That is something I can do in not time.

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